Self-control is what I lose sometimes. Some people who know me might be surprised by this. I'm usually the one who is in charge, in the lead, doesn't panic, is grace under pressure, and so on. But don't let that stoic exterior fool you. There are a few things that ruffle me. One of them is me, when I abandon my financial discipline.
Who instilled financial discipline in me in the first place? Why Charles of course!
My two sisters each at different times in their careers were fortunate to have the same man - Charles - as their boss. My older sister Peach is a career executive assistant/office manager. My younger sister Rose was in the commercial real estate business before she became a full-time mom and is now a personal trainer. They both reported to Charles but not at the same time. So there was a long period of time when Charles became a fixture in our lives as a professional acquaintance. He easily transitioned into our personal lives as a friend and still keeps in touch with us today.
Charles is a self-made millionaire, and he has been a positive influence on me. I could write at least several blogs about Charles' life because it is so interesting, but there is one statement he made that I want to highlight. Charles gave us the most profound advice, which stuck with me from the moment I heard the words. "Never live beyond your means." It's a very simple statement and makes sense, but why is it so difficult for many people to live by? Probably because we live by indulgences that usually cost money.
I can confess what my indulgences were before I fiercely practiced financial discipline. When I was married, we spent our money and charged up credit cards, living from paycheck to paycheck. It was a horrible way to live, but we thought it was normal. This was when I didn't mind going to the mall and spending hours shopping, looking for the most stylish outfits, adding to my collection of shoes. We would take trips and dine at fine restaurants.
We also gambled. We were following in the footsteps of our parents by playing bingo and going on weekend trips to Reno or Las Vegas. Gambling was also something normal for us because we grew up with it. I also feel it's in our DNA.
"Never live beyond your means." When I heard this statement, I started to analyze our cash outflow and learned more about the importance of our credit score. We started to use our credit cards less and made it a goal every year to pay for Christmas gifts in cash. We stopped shopping so much and determined whether each purchase was necessary or not. We cooked dinner at home more and developed our culinary skills.
We gambled less and less as we realized that the odds are naturally stacked against you. Gambling doesn't pay off, and we witnessed lives destroyed because of this addiction. We certainly did not want our lives to end up the same way.
It was refreshing to accomplish financial discipline together, but then we got divorced. It was tougher to carry on the discipline alone because it's easier to pay for a place to live based on two incomes. But I managed. Even big ticket items can be purchased correctly if you are single as long as you don't trap yourself with paying finance charges and interest.
Today, I am distanced from the bad shopping habits and gambling addiction. But I am not completely out of reach from them. Or rather, they are not completely out of my reach. It's like an alcoholic who stays on the wagon for years but can fall off with just one innocent glass of wine. Or a smoker who quits the chain but gets back into it because of a stress triggering event.
For me, I fall off the financial discipline wagon every once in awhile. At times when I have to go to the mall for some reason and see a pair of fabulous shoes, I end up buying 5 pairs. Or if I need an outfit for a party, I end up buying 10 outfits. One time I spent $1,000 in less than 2 hours because I couldn't help myself. I have moments of regret afterward.
When I go to Vegas or to Cache Creek or to Thunder Valley just to be social or be with the people I love, I end up dropping at least $1,000. Sometimes I win, but most of the time I lose. When I realize that all that cash has permanently left my possession, I become nauseated and want to kick myself.
So it's easy to understand why I hate shopping...and Vegas. I lose money, I lose control, but more importantly and negatively, I lose myself.
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