Elusion

Do you practice elusion?  Sometimes I do. I love the technology today when you can completely block phone numbers and never hear from certain people again.  Or so you hope.  This is how I keep personal drama out of my life.  "Block block, poof, you're gone.  I don't want to be part of your ridiculous and bullshit life."  It's that easy for me.

Have I ever been at the receiving end of that elusion?  Well, yes I have.  But not suffering the way I elude.  I'm talking about something that eludes me so much so that sometimes I simply give up.  Giving up is a perfectionist characteristic, and I admit that I have quit before which means I'm no winner.   However, that's okay because I don't want to be a winner in what I quit anyway.

There are many things I have tried and given up, mostly because I knew I was bad at them.  A prime example is golf.  I can hit a ball well at a driving range, but when I'm on the course, I can't get par to save my life.  So I gave the clubs and the shoes away.

I took dancing lessons once for a couple of months and rediscovered what I already knew - that I am not a natural dancer and it takes me longer to pick up on dance moves than I would like.  Don't get me wrong.  I have rhythm, but I gave up the idea of becoming a ballroom dancer and just watch from the sidelines.  At least I didn't invest in any dancing shoes.

There are other things that continue to elude me, but I have not reached the point of giving up.  It might not be the same situation as the elusive number 6 to the Dallas Cowboys or the San Francisco 49ers.  They have to continue their quest as a business.  I continue my quest for...well, I am not sure why.

For instance, a 300 game in bowling is elusive to me.  Even a 200 game at Moonlite Lanes is elusive to me.  Moonlite is probably the only house I've bowled at where I have not thrown a 200 game.  Bowling can be frustrating, but I continue to pursue better and better games.  And I don't think I will give up.  I am not exactly sure why.  It could be the fact that it is the most accessible sport (yes, it's a sport), and I can continue to bowl until I'm dead.  I like that idea.

I also continue to pursue something I have blogged about before - something bigger and better out there but I am not sure what it is.  Most of the time, I am restless and anxious.  I think it has to do with the big question of what life is about.  "What is the meaning of life?"  That is tougher and tougher to answer as I get older.  Status quo remains the same longer.  To me, the answer to that question is becoming an elusion.