I had lunch with my favorite son today. Okay, I am kidding. Carleton James Schiller (CJ) is my only son and my only child for that matter. I really did have lunch with him, and it sparked this blog topic.
Sometimes we compare our generation with our parents' generation and our children's generation. Photographs and archives show different styles and tastes in clothing, shoes, home decor, cars, and pastimes. Technology transcends. Attitudes, beliefs, rules, and laws change.
During my parents' generation, interracial marriage was not allowed. Divorce was frowned upon. The LGBT community didn't exist. In my generation, interracial marriage is commonplace, divorce is accepted, and the LGBT community formed. Having children out of wedlock also became acceptable, getting married and starting a family in your early to mid-20s was normal, and being a pregnant teenager was definitely a no-no.
In CJ's generation, the LGBT community has a voice and an impact. Getting married and starting a family is more normal in your late 20s to early 30s. Being a pregnant teenager is acceptable. In my son's generation, there are television shows, reality shows, and movies about this. Really? What?
Let me pretend for a bit that CJ is a girl, is a teenager, and is pregnant. What would I say to her? I have given this a lot of thought. First, I went back to my parents' generation.
What did our parents say to us? The most common label on a pregnant teenager was "promiscuity." I remember that I heard this among my aunts, and I really wanted to defend the girl they were gossiping about. But who was I to say anything? I was just a kid, barely a teenager. Did that mean my generation was tolerant of teenage pregnancy? Let me save that answer until the end of my blog. With CJ's generation, it's accepted. It's not a big deal.
So what would I say to my pregnant teenager? Would I be angry? Would I scold her?
I think you have to think beyond the circumstances and think about the human side, the emotions, the feelings. Most importantly, think also of how it affects the future.
I remember I had a friend whose daughter decided to get married when she just started college. My friend was angry because she wanted her daughter to finish college first and get a career going. She retaliated by not attending her daughter's wedding. For years to come, I remember how much my friend regretted this. Can you imagine that as a mother, you miss your only daughter's most important day of her life? It took a brief amount of anger for her to miss out. It was detrimental to her relationship with her daughter and new son-in-law. It was also something that could not be undone. It adversely affected her future.
I remember another friend whose parents disowned her when she decided to marry out of her race. Again, in our parents' generation, interracial marriage was not allowed. She did not see or speak with her parents for years. She and her out-of-race husband had their first child about 5 years after being married. Can you imagine that as parents, you miss out on grandchildren? Apparently, her parents could not imagine this because they suddenly showed up soon after her first child was born. I asked my friend what happened, and she said her parents just acted as if nothing happened and that the years of not speaking to each other did not exist. Fortunately, my friend was a forgiving person. She probably saw that getting angry at her parents was pointless and would have robbed her children of more love.
What is my point? I think getting angry or scolding your children or your parents on certain things would be pointless. You could be risking the future. You could be living with regrets.
Instead you should be supportive. Let's implore the human side, keep the generations seamless, and not cause any generational gaps when it comes to these real human issues. After all, your pregnant teenager still has her whole life ahead of her. She needs to be mentally healthy to take care of your parents' progeny, your progeny, and so on. She will flourish and thrive. How do I know this? I was a pregnant teenager with supportive parents.
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