What is Your EQ?

I don't know mine either but I probably would score fairly high if there were an official test to take.  Of course there are every day life situations that are the official test to take.

The best write-up I found on EQ on the internet can be found at the following page:

http://disc-report.com/products/emotional-quotient/

The TTI Emotional Quotient report focuses on five areas within interpersonal and intrapersonal intelligence. Intrapersonal intelligence is the ability to understand oneself, while interpersonal intelligence is the ability to understand others.

Intrapersonal Emotional Quotient

• Self-Awareness – The ability to recognize and understand your moods, emotions and drives, as well as their effect on others.
• Self-Regulation – The ability to control or re-direct disruptive impulses and moods and the propensity to suspend judgment and think before acting.
• Motivation – A passion to work for reasons that go beyond money and status and a propensity to pursue goals with energy and persistence.

Interpersonal Emotional Quotient

• Social Skills – A proficiency in managing relationships and building networks.
• Empathy – The ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people.

Of all the five areas, I believe the most important are Self-Awareness and Self-Regulation.  Without these, I don't think you can succeed in the other areas.

Self-awareness and self-regulation might not be achievable immediately when you are young and foolish.  It takes time and maturity to realize when you are behaving childishly.  It takes time and maturity to admit to mistakes and to apologize.  It takes time and maturity to realize that your behavior, moods, and emotions will affect others.  It takes time and maturity to realize that your behavior, moods, and emotions will affect children the most.  It takes time and maturity to control your behavior, moods, and emotions.

I've been through so many tests in life with respect to EQ and I at times failed miserably.  These days, I'm armed with the knowledge of past failures and successes to know how to behave and/or know how to predict how others will behave or react to my behavior, moods and emotions.  I will be subjected to more tests, and although I can't guarantee that I will not fail them, I will have the self-awareness to know how to pass them.

The saying "Hindsight is 20/20" is a fact.  If I knew then what I know now, perhaps my life would be better.  I look back and analyze what I learned and think about how I could have changed things or done things differently. I have regrets, but I don't dwell on them.

When I was younger, I had a fairly bad temper.  Everyone was wrong, and I was right.  Have you ever met anyone like that?   If so, it was probably me.  I would easily snap, and mostly it was with family.  I loved the attention I would get when I was loud and ornery.  I thought it was a good thing, and I behaved that way especially in front of my peers.  Someone put me in my place quickly one day when that person said, "I don't like you."  That was powerful.  It was hurtful too, but I realized I deserved it.  This was when I was starting high school.  I was a good girl through junior high, but then in high school I gave into the peer pressure.  I smoked, I drank, I cut school.  My grades fooled my parents because I kept them up to hold onto sanity.  But I was not a pleasant person to be with.  That statement of "I don't like you" came from a total stranger, but it made me realize what an idiot I had been.

Having a child at a young age made me grow up fast.  I still had fits at times, but I soon was able to control my mood swings.  One of the most valuable lessons I learned was from a former co-worker, Marcia.  I wrote a blog post previously about her and how she died of cancer.  The lesson she taught me was how to view things in a more positive light and to be more sympathetic.  One day at work, she hung up the phone and shook her head.  She said that her husband had lost a roll of bills that amounted to $500.  I said, "Wow, I would be so pissed at him."  She looked at me in surprise and said, "Why would I want to make him feel worse than how he already feels?"  That made me stop and think twice, three times, four times about the situation.  It was such a wise and mature perspective that I refer to it every time I need a reminder on how to react to certain situations.  I have to stop and put myself in the other person's shoes to discover that it's true.  Nobody wants to be kicked down when you're already down.  So you have to be sympathetic and empathetic.

I am much older and mature these days, and the keys to my high EQ are self-awareness and self-regulation.  I usually stop myself from saying something hurtful or regrettable.  In situations when things get heated, I will slow down, breathe, and listen to the other person.  I will let them get the words and anger out.  This has proven to be so helpful to me in situations that I know can become confrontational if I regress.  I also force a smile on my face just to keep from hinting to others that I am in a bad mood.  I have also learned to use "I" in sentences when communicating with others instead of "you" because using "you" can be interpreted as being accusatory.

I find it easier than before to apologize when I make mistakes.  It just feels honest, others will see that you are a human being, and they will apologize for their mistakes too.  I practiced this with my son as he grew up.  He does the same thing and apologizes (to me at least) when he knows he is wrong or has made a mistake.

So think about it.  You should wonder what your EQ is.  Think about how your past actions and moods affected others.  Ask yourself if you could have had a better result or reaction.  Put yourself in other people's shoes.  Think about having a different perspective.  Empathize.  Sympathize.  Strive toward a higher EQ.